Author Topic: Post your joke or story  (Read 6176 times)

Offline barb

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Post your joke or story
« on: August 14, 2007, 03:36:10 PM »
 ;D Dividing the Inheritance

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18.

The oldest, therefore, got one-half or nine, the second oldest got one-third or six and the youngest son got one-ninth or two. Adding up nine, six and two equals 17.

The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.

Offline 24seven

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2007, 04:34:18 PM »
Nice one Barb, just goes to prove 'Where there's a will there's a way'

Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2007, 07:41:34 PM »
That's funny.  He was a smart old mule.

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2007, 08:45:56 AM »
You Do

My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mom would be like.

It seems the minister asked my mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband?"

And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" and my mom said, "He does."  ;D

Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2007, 11:07:30 AM »
Here's a dirty joke my father told me when I was a kid.

"The white horse fell in a mud puddle."

Groan.

The joke was the look on my mother's face when dad asked me if I wanted to hear a dirty joke.  :D
« Last Edit: August 16, 2007, 11:09:40 AM by Mike »

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2007, 11:23:01 AM »
 ;D That would be funny  ;D

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #6 on: August 17, 2007, 07:39:10 AM »
 ;D Alligator Shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"  ;D

Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #7 on: August 17, 2007, 12:07:35 PM »
 :D  I like blond jokes.  I did a search for blond jokes.  I couldn't post most of them but here's a couple I could.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #8 on: August 17, 2007, 12:12:21 PM »
 ;D Blonde jokes are good as long as no one gets insulted. I'm just a highlighted blonde. Now whenever I do something silly, it's easy for people to think it's because I'm blonde. That's why blondes have more fun, people look over their silly mistakes.  ;D

Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #9 on: August 17, 2007, 12:26:43 PM »
Yeah I don't want to offend anyone.  Just having fun.

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2007, 08:31:13 AM »
Working By Results

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."



Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #11 on: August 29, 2007, 01:23:48 PM »
 :D  good one

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2007, 06:24:59 AM »
 ;D Amazing. It's a blonde joke about a man.  ;D

A woman was in her front yard mowing grass when her attractive blond male neighbor came out of his house and went straight to the mailbox.

He opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later he came out of his house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.

As the woman was getting ready to edge the lawn, he came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions the woman asked him, "Is something wrong?"

To which he replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
 

Offline Mike

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2007, 11:58:18 AM »
Ha haa.

Did you redue that joke to make it a man Barb?  I've seen that one before but it wasn't a man in the one that I read.

Tuche'  Are you getting back at me cause of the blond jokes I posted ealier?  :D

For your information I had blond hair when I was a kid then it grew darker.   ;D



« Last Edit: September 18, 2007, 09:23:49 AM by Mike »

Offline barb

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Re: Post you joke or story
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2007, 12:08:21 PM »
 ;D I actually found it on the internet posted this way. I think it's really funny. You never hear a blonde joke about a man. I wonder why that is. I was a dishwater blonde. Always on the darker side. But then my name, Barb means mysterious stranger. I guess by that I mean, who knows if I'm a blonde or a brunett  ::) So you were a blonde. Hmmmm.  ;D